Becky Braunstein

ALASKAN COMEDIAN / PORTLAND COMEDIAN / YOUR FRIEND

Becky Braunstein is a comedian and actor from Alaska, currently based in Portland, Oregon. She has performed at the Big Sky Comedy Festival, Bridgetown Comedy Festival, All Jane Comedy Festival, 208 Comedy Fest, Idaho Laugh Fest, Pickathon, & performs this year at Hell Yes Fest & Beast Village Comedy Festival. Host of 'Becky with the Good Jokes'.

The Portland Mercury's Undisputable Geniuses of Comedy!

I'm so proud to have been named to the Portland Mercury's Undisputable Geniuses of Comedy! Come check out the monster show at Revolution Hall on September 16th! The Portland Mercury said, "Hailing from Alaska, Becky has blown into Portland like a comedy tsunami, with tons of energy and wide-eyed enthusiasm. Her brand of snappy humor has made her a hit at Bridgetown and the All Jane Festival, as well as being an audience favorite the 2016 Big Sky Comedy Fest. She’s clearly the best thing that’s ever come from Alaska. Like, by far."

http://www.revolutionhall.com/event/1545920-undisputable-geniuses-portland/

I'm a finalist for Best Comedian in the Willamette Week's 'Best of Portland' 2016!

I'm so very happy to announce that I am a top-5 finalist for Best Comedian in the Willamette Week 'Best of Portland' poll! Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who nominated me, I'm absolutely overwhelmed by your support. VOTING IS NOW OPEN UNTIL MAY 30th!! It is a massive honor to be included on the shortlist with Bri Pruett, Nathan Brannon, Curtis Cook & Belinda Carroll! The full list of finalist nominees is here: http://wweek.secondstreetapp.com/l/BOP-Voting-2016/Ballot/ArtsampCulture

5 things you can 'not give' about Star Wars

by Becky Braunstein
@BeckyFromAlaska

Looking for an easy way to make sure everyone knows the Force is definitely NOT with you? Here's a list of five things you can tell people you don't give about Star Wars!

1. A rat’s ass

Traditions are important. Why not stick with a winner? Nothing says, “I have no interest in this sci-fi movie event” like the good old-fashioned ass of a rat.

2. Two shits

This is the hyperbole for those who REALLY mean it. Your disgust for all things Star Wars is so dense and fibrous, one shit will not even cover it. “You think I’m going to spend two shits’ worth of time out my day ruminating on Harrison Ford and a bunch of CGI robots? NOPE.”

3. A flying fuck

We’re starting to sound like Twelve Days of Christmas here, but not even a hundred pipers piping can get you to launch a single fuck into orbit about the sci-fi sequel of the decade. Every single fuck in your possession is staying right on the ground, and a mile away from any movie theater this month.

4. A toss and/or wank

Brits and Aussies - this one’s for you! Even C3PO’s quilted tea cosy accent couldn’t buy it back for you guys, and that takes commitment. Nothing kills the mood for you like a trapezoidal trumpet fanfare title sequence washing over a hundred nerds in the dark. Well, actually now you put it like that…

5. A good goddamn

You've said it a hundred times. They’ve been beating this sad dead corpse of a merchandise marketing machine for more than 30 years now. They tried animated creatures, they tried Ewan MacGregor, they tried scaring Harrison Ford out of whatever tree he was hiding in, why won’t they just let it die? You HATE this movie and everyone in it, you hate the cultural stink bomb it’s become, and you would rather die with a turd in your eye than hear one more word about any story that doesn’t take place right now in the present time, in a galaxy so close we’re actually in it. Your hate deserves more than just a regular goddamn - you’ve saved your BEST goddamn for this pile of turnips. For you, there is no trying this movie, it will only lead to suffering.

 


'Best of Portland' show at Helium Comedy Club

I'm SO honored and grateful to be included in the 'Best of Portland' showcase this Thursday at Helium Comedy Club - Portland. What?! Yes. This lineup is so fantastic, which includes my friends Adam Pasi Neeraj Srinivasan, Jeremy Eli, Ali Reingold & Curtis Cook, and it's hosted by one of the absolute funniest dudes in town, Anthony Lopez. I'm so stoked for this, I can't even fully describe it.

The show is Thursday, October 15th at 8pm at Helium Comedy Club. Get tickets and read more about it here!

https://center-stage-helium-comedy-club-portland.seatengine.com/shows/27355

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

Guess what guys? I won the first Tonight's Funniest Comedy Competition at Capitol City Theater! My buddy Neeraj Srinivasan came in second, and he did awesome as usual. It was such a fantastic show, the crowd was so awesome, Nathan Fleming did a great job hosting, and Capitol City Theater is such a rad place to perform. I'm totally looking forward to hosting the next one in October, and crowning the next winner! SALEM I WILL RETURN FOR YOU! <3

2nd Place Finish in the House of Hyjinx Comedy Competition!

Dude!

I got 2nd place overall in the House of Hyjinx Comedy Competition last night! It was a really tough competition, and there were a lot of great sets. Debbie Wooten took 1st and Sharon Lacey came in 3rd. It was such an awesome, well-run show and the crowd was fantastic. Thanks so much to The Real Hyjinx, Dirty Angel Entertainment, the judges, the other brilliant comics and everyone involved. The top 3 get our own showcase - stay tuned for info!

Article & Podcast Appearance!

Hey! I was a guest on the podcast 'Date Nights with Roscoe Myrick' - check it out! Low point is probably my 10 minute run-on sentence about how social progress among the youth is a good thing. High points are definitely my Anatoli Brant impression and the absolute literal insanity that happens towards the end.

Check out the awesome article and listen to the podcast here!

http://www.datenights.net/2015/06/26/having-a-laugh-with-one-of-portlands-funniest-people-becky-braunstein/

Greece in the pan

Europe is in trouble. The whole country of Greece is going under. Like a discount furniture store. Greece is goin' out of business. They need to start selling off some of that ancient shit. Take a second mortgage out on the Parthenon. Maybe rent out the Acropolis for bar mitzvahs and quinceañeras. They need to make some scratch quick. I've been to Greece. It's an awesome country. I hope they can get their shit together. And hopefully the EU will have some mercy on them. Every country fucks up at least once. Hey - why not take a vote? They invented it, after all. 

Bus hippies

I saw two dirty hippies, nowhere near a designated bus stop, try to flag down the bus on a busy street. When I say 'dirty hippies', I'm not using it as a term of derision - as in, "those damn dirty hippies got their crusty little twig arms stuck in the peach bin again!", when really it's just a couple of trust fund kids who want to make sure everyone knows they recycle. I mean they looked like they had been ejected from Woodstock '97, have been wandering aimlessly ever since, and were truly crusted in VISIBLE soil, from dred to toe. 

 

It must have been an odd moment, and I'll never know what caused the urgency, but they were sprinting at full tilt after the bus, waving and screaming like lunatics. I'm not sure what they could have been thinking - that the bus driver would just be like, "Well, we don't usually stop a moving bus for random people in the middle of a busy intersection, but I'll make an exception for Feather and Fawn there," and he would just pssssh! the door open and let them into the land of hemp milk and local organic honey. 

They did not get on the bus. Somewhere in Portland, north of Capitol Highway, there is a shed full of chickens that did not get fed on time. A curled orange leaf falls silently from a tree. It is nighttime in Oregon, and the stars look down on us all.